J.3/ “Talking About Your Feelings” And Why Therapy Is So Much More Than That
“Emotions are not just feelings; they are your brain’s best guesses about what your body needs.” - Lisa Feldman Barrett
Therapy is often misunderstood as just “talking about your feelings.” On the surface, it can seem that way: two people in a room, exchanging words, discussing emotions. But this description only scratches the surface.
Therapy is not about venting or rehashing events. It’s a disciplined process of learning to interpret the internal signals that shape how we think, act, and relate. It’s not simply talking about feelings — it’s about learning to understand them.
Why Emotions Matter
From a biological and evolutionary perspective, emotions are far from random or irrational. They are complex, functional messengers, finely tuned by millions of years of evolution to help us survive, connect, and navigate our social and physical worlds.
Fear prepares the body for danger, activating fight-or-flight responses.
Sadness signals loss and invites social support.
Anger defends boundaries and highlights perceived injustices.
Joy marks moments of safety and meaning.
Guilt guides us toward repair and reconciliation.
Disgust protects us from harm, often in subtle ways.
Each emotion carries vital information. Suppressing or dismissing them does not confer strength, it often leads to a disconnection from our lived experience, leaving us blind to critical internal cues.
Why We Struggle to Name What We Feel
Despite their importance, many people find identifying emotions challenging. This is not a personal shortcoming but a reflection of cultural, social, and even neurological factors.
We are often taught to “push through,” to prioritise logic, stoicism, or productivity. Emotional literacy, the ability to recognise, label, and interpret emotions, is rarely cultivated in school or home.
As a result, many individuals describe experiences in vague terms like “It was fine” or “It was a bit much,” without connecting to the deeper emotions beneath. They miss how these feelings manifest physically, the tightening in the chest, the heaviness in the limbs, the quickening breath, and what these sensations are trying to communicate.
Over time, this disconnection can turn life into a checklist rather than a rich emotional journey.
Emotional Awareness is a Starting Point, Not a Destination
In therapy, naming emotions is just the beginning.
When we can clearly identify our emotional state, we open the door to the layers underneath: unmet needs, old wounds, and habitual patterns. We begin to see why we get stuck, why certain triggers feel so potent, and why some reactions feel automatic.
This awareness creates space, space to pause, reflect, and choose responses with intention rather than reactivity.
What Brings People to This Work
People often seek therapy because something feels “off” or confusing:
“I feel disconnected but don’t know why.”
“I keep repeating the same mistakes.”
“I’m stuck in my head and can’t access my feelings.”
Developing emotional awareness brings these patterns into focus. It offers a new way to relate to inner experience, less about “fixing” and more about understanding, less about avoiding discomfort and more about building tolerance and insight.
This is not a failing, it is a cultural gap that therapy helps bridge.
A Few Gentle Places to Begin
Pause regularly: Ask, “What am I feeling right now?” and try to be specific beyond “good” or “bad”
Tune into your body: Notice where the emotion shows up physically, tension, warmth, heaviness. Your body often “knows” before your mind does
Expand your emotional vocabulary: Use tools like feelings wheels or lists of nuanced emotions to name what you’re experiencing
Reflect on function: When reactive, ask, “What is this feeling trying to protect or communicate?”
Final Thoughts
Therapy isn’t just about talking, it’s about cultivating a new relationship with your inner world, one grounded in curiosity, insight, and kindness rather than judgment or avoidance.
Learning to understand your emotions is not a “soft” skill. It is foundational, to mental health, relationships, and living a conscious, connected life.
“When we can name what we feel, we can begin to understand what we need.”
Reflective Prompts
What emotions do you find easiest to identify?
Are there feelings you tend to avoid or dismiss? Why do you think that is?
How does your body signal different emotions?
Can you recall a recent moment when you truly noticed what you were feeling? What did that feel like?
